A guide on the steps to take once you're aware of your circumstances.
What can you do?
There are several steps you can take once you are aware of your circumstances and ready to move forward. We are here to help you navigate and understand each step of the process. We want you to feel prepared to take your next steps and feel ready for the possible outcomes of them, speaking up is the first step to healing.
If you are being seriously abused or harmed, we strongly recommend that you speak to someone who can report it, such as the police or Child Protective Services, to ensure you receive the help you need. We cannot guarantee any outcome presented in this pamphlet. We can help you understand the possibilities of various scenarios that you may feel uncertain or scared about.
Talk to your friends.
Confiding in your friends can be a comfortable first step to sharing your story with others and getting help. Although we can’t tell you exactly what will happen, since all circumstances are different, talking to trusted friends can be a good way of getting support. Additionally, you may find that one of your friends can relate to your situation. Opening up to them could potentially be helpful for both of you.
Keep in mind that your friends are also young and may not be able to help you as much as a trusted adult. They might be there for you emotionally, but to take bigger steps forward you might want to go with one of the other options listed below this one.
Talk to other family members.
Going to other family members for help can be very beneficial because they could confront your abusers. They are also able to understand your situation better than others since they are in your family. They can provide you with support, and after sharing with them you can work towards your next steps in getting help. It is very important that an adult knows about your circumstances, and going to another family member could be a very comfortable way to start opening up.
Talk to your parents.
This step can vary depending on your situation, but it can be helpful to open up to whichever parent you feel most comfortable with if your abuse is primarily from only one parent. If you are being hurt by both of your parents, this option may appear frightening, and if so then feel free to skip over this and look into your other options in this section. If you are being abused by someone who is not a parent, going to one of your parents could be comforting. While we can’t predict how they will respond, they may offer valuable support and are likely to have a deeper understanding of your circumstances as they are part of your family.
If you and your family attend church or temple, try talking to someone you trust there.
If you attend a church or temple, you may want to consider sharing your concerns with someone there. A trusted person in your community may be able to listen and help, or guide you towards the support you need. Reporting the issue could trigger an official response, as outlined in the “What Happens When Something Gets Reported” section. However, there is a chance no formal report will be made, and you and those you confide in may explore other ways to address the situation. Regardless, reaching out for help is an important step, and we strongly encourage you to take it. Remember, you matter, and your voice is powerful.
Talk to a trusted teacher.
Speaking to a teacher about your situation is another good way to get help. One of the first things a teacher might do is tell your school guidance counselor what is going on, as a guidance counselor will likely be able to help you more than one of your teachers. Teachers can comfort you and be there for you when you need support, but won’t be able to do exactly what a guidance counselor can do for you, so you could additionally go directly to your guidance counselor. Teachers are also required to report if they think a child is in immediate danger. There is more information about that in the “What Happens When Something Gets Reported” section.
Talk to your school guidance counselor.
School guidance counselors are there to help guide you and get you through tough times. Going to your guidance counselor is a step which is easier to take than others and can help you work through your problems and act on fixing them when you feel ready. Going to your school guidance counselor is one of the best ways to get help, as they are professionals whose job is to help and listen to you. What is amazing about guidance counselors is they are very informed about how to handle different situations, which is something many other people are not informed about. They can give you helpful advice specific to what you are dealing with if you open up to them.
Now, school counselors have a responsibility to keep everything you say confidential. This means they cannot and should not tell anyone else what you tell them. But, if a counselor suspects you are in immediate danger, they must report it as they are mandated reporters. This is the exception for when a counselor may share your situation with others to get you help.This is only done to ensure your safety and well-being. There is more information about what happens when a report is made in the “What Happens When Something Gets Reported” section.
Talk to your doctor.
When you are at the doctor’s office, you can request to be alone with the doctor. At around 12-13 years old the doctor may choose to speak with you alone, even if you don't make a request. This can be a good opportunity to share your concerns. Doctors may also notice if you have injuries or bruises and may ask you about them. If they suspect that a child is in immediate danger, they are required to report it. A doctor’s report can carry more weight than others. More information about what happens when a report is made can be found in the “What Happens When Something Gets Reported” section.
Call 911.
Calling 911 can be a huge but important step. The outcome of this heavily depends on your situation and what you share with authorities. You will likely be asked many questions about your situation, and there are chances of child services or police coming to your house to help you. These authorities’ top priority is to help you and keep you safe. It is important to share as many details as you can with the authorities and to tell the complete truth. Speaking up will allow you to heal and get the help you deserve.
Again, similar outcomes that happen when telling your guidance counselor about your situation can happen when calling 911. Both your guidance counselor and 911 dispatchers (the people who answer the phone) can contact the same services like police and child protective services, which could lead to situations similar to those stated in the “What Happens When Something Gets Reported” section.
What should I do if a friend or someone else confides in me that they are being abused?
The first step is to comfort them. Let them know you are there for them, and ask what you can do to help them. You should not make decisions for them, and you should let them do what they are comfortable with. It is still important however for your friend to speak up to an adult if they are in serious and or immediate danger. All of this depends on your situation, but it is essential to encourage others to reach out for help from trusted adults. You need to help in every way you can, and know that helping friends speak up can save their lives.
What happens when something gets reported?
Reports are made by mandated reporters (like doctors, therapists, etc.) and are made to keep you safe when a professional believes you may not be. Every child has a different experience, and what happens to one person may not happen to you. It is important you understand what can happen but also that it may not happen. The following section explains the whole process but not any of it is guaranteed to occur. It goes over the most extreme scenario.
When reports are made regarding child abuse, there are chances of Child Protective Services (CPS) coming to your home. You might be asked questions privately and away from your abuser(s), and it is very important you share the whole truth about what is going on so you get the help you need.
There is a possibility of an abuser facing legal action, which sometimes needs to be done to keep you safe. This may seem very scary, but authorities only want to keep you and your family safe and together, so try not to worry about ‘what ifs.’ If your situation isn’t very extreme it is not likely legal action will be taken, but this depends on you and what you’re going through.
REMINDER: The following possibilities are not guaranteed to happen to you. We want you to, rather than be discouraged or scared, reach out for help like from your guidance counselor so you can understand what might happen in your specific scenario. Some examples of when children are put into foster care are when they have been abandoned, repeatedly and aggressively abused, or permanently neglected by a parent unable to care for their child due to their own problems.
With this, in some extreme cases, if staying at home with your parents is not safe, you might be placed in temporary foster care. But, if there is another family member you can stay with, like for example a grandparent, aunt, or uncle, you will likely stay with them. Foster care is more of a last place to go to if there are no safe places you can live in. Regardless, the goal of foster care is to provide a safe environment while finding a long-term solution, and unless parental rights are completely taken away, you can still have a relationship with your parents while in foster care. Again, this is a very extreme case and most certainly not what happens most of the time.
Ultimately, support services try to reunite families and keep children safe, but there are times when measures are taken for a child’s wellbeing. Sometimes in foster care, a child may have unsupervised, supervised, or other kinds of visitation rights with their parents if it is safe. This means a child can have their parents visit them depending on the situation. The goal of support services like CPS and the police is to keep families together, so there will always be efforts to reunify children with their biological parents.
Unfortunately, there is no one answer to what will happen in one scenario or another, as every child’s experience is different and there are many factors contributing to different outcomes. Everything is decided based on what steps you choose to take. You run the show here, and everyone around you wants to help you and do things in your best interest. We encourage you to speak up if you believe you are being abused, as sharing your story will provide you with support and safety.